it just hit me...
The other day I realized that it'll be at least a year until I can hold another baby of my own. I've made it this far, but it'll be another few months before we can even start trying, again... and I know of at least ten people who are pregnant right now. Which reminds me that I would be 24 weeks along, or six months pregnant; almost through my second trimester, almost in my third trimester; more than half-way through my pregnancy and the upcoming arrival of my baby (May 11, 2008). And if we wanted to know, we would know what we were having. The way I see it, is if everything goes according to plan (barring further complications), the soonest I get to kiss my baby's hand will be next February. And William will be 3.5 years old (hopefully potty-trained and cribless). He'll be a great big brother. He needs a little sister/brother. I already have names planned out. I already have room/decoration configurations in my head. I'm just waiting.I'm ready for my baby. *B
I know how hard it is to lose a "maybe baby." But, my kids are almost 4 years apart, and it's been really wonderful. A big kid helper and a baby to snuggle... just hang in there and you'll have it all.
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
I'm so sorry, Beth. If there is one thing I do know for sure, is that there is a plan for each of us, and your baby will come on exactly the right day. You will be surprised, I'm sure. Keep hangin' in there!
ReplyDeleteAh, the magic of timing.
ReplyDeletewell then I suggest this book:
ReplyDeleteTaking Charge of Your Fertility.
That is, if you're open to unsolicited advice...
Hey I kind of understand what you're going through, I'm still working on my first and it's been two years. But I just think of how amazing that pregnancy is going to be even while I'm throwing up. Each day will mean sooo much. Then when my baby finally arrives how amazing that will be. Sorry, I just think this all of the time, mostly when I run into my friends who are on their 2nd 3rd or 4th child.
ReplyDeleteBethers, you have one friend that isn't pregnant! Meehee! I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to lose a precious little baby. But I do know what it feels like to wait (and wait and wait), and to try to have faith in the Lord's time table for our lives. It's not easy. I don't think it is supposed to be. I know you have been blessed with faith ... we should become exercise buddies (of a different kind) :) Know that you have the love of all who know you.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel, Beth. My would be babies would be turning 5 this year! It is something you will always keep close in your heart. Because of my own loss, there is 4 years in between Jennah and Maeyah. It has been hard in some ways, like having so many years in between them makes it a little more difficult for them to play together, but I have to admit.... I LOVED having a four year old and a baby!!! Lots easier then having a two year old and a baby was.
ReplyDeleteComing in late and not knowing anything beforehand about your baby, I still feel for you. I can't imagine it, so I won't even try, but I hope you find solace and continue enjoying your son. Don't wish too hard, though, since my cousin had to wait ten (10!) years before she was able to have any kids, then she had three in two years...yikes! Thanks for stopping in on my blog...I'll have to check yours out more, now that I know you're there!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Will is going to be a great big brother. I wait anxiously until you can have another baby, but don't worry; things will happen when they need to.
ReplyDeleteBeth, you're amazing. You'll be the most amazing mother to two little beautiful babies (will and the new baby). I know it's hard, but in the end result will be so worth it. You have a lot of family (Summers) members who know exactly what you're going through....
ReplyDeleteAh Beth- I love ya sweetie. I know it's tough, but I believe you'll be kissing the hand of a gorgeous baby who was born at exactly the right time. And if that baby is as cute as will? well, then you've hit the jackpot!
ReplyDeleteI've read your blog over and over again the past couple of days; it's pretty heave to digest. I can't even imagine the heartbreak that you must feel daily, but just like everyone else has said, your new baby will come at exactly the right time in your life. Through the Savior's love and prayer you will eventually find solace, and only you and your husband will ever understand why the things have happened, that have happened, and it will make you better. You will be a better mother to that little one because of the things that you learn during this trying time.
ReplyDeleteoh beth. my heart aches for you. it will be here much sooner than you realize. until then, just be sure to hold will extra tight.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I do understand what you're going through, at least on the waiting part. I have never lost a baby, but it took me a few years to become pregnant with the one I'm currently carrying (even after Gracie, who was a one shot deal and there she was). I prayed, and I cried, I asked why, I had blessings, I did what I thought I was supposed to. But it just wasn't the right time for me. And I was told that, but I didn't understand it. I even had days where I felt like He wasn't willing to give me another child because I had done something wrong with the first one. It is HARD! I still don't know all about the reasons for His timing, but I know that He knows a lot more than me and will do what is best. It's been a trying experience, and trust me...I knew a LOT of people who were pregnant and having healthy babies over those 2.5 years (residential hazard, I guess)! You just gotta have faith, B. Your time will come.
ReplyDeleteI just read your Maybe Baby post and it touched my heart. I had an ectopic pregnancy in December 05. It was incredibly traumatic and made more so by the fact I had to fight tooth and nail with the insurance company about money (on the phone, at least once a week for 6 months). I went the methotrexate route and ended up being okay. It's such a difficult time and I'm sure made worse by all of your complications. My maybe baby has a place in my heart as I'm sure yours does too. Time does heal wounds of the heart.
ReplyDeleteOh Beth - I'm so sorry. I know you'll get your baby soon though!! And the age difference won't be bad at all!! They will still love eachother and Will will become such the cute, protective big brother. =) Hope you are having a happier day today!!
ReplyDelete