birth stories, with lots of etceteras

First, a little background information: Will was born via Cesarean. I know, it seems so unlike me; anti-Beth, if you will... but Will didn't drop and was a stubborn breech baby. Even after three versions, he refused to stay head down, etc. In fact, the morning we went in to have him, he was head down! Oh, if you could imagine the grief those nasty nurses gave me. Thank goodness I had a wonderful, supportive, and patient doctor-midwife team. And after many tears and prayers (again), we went ahead with our decision and wouldn't you know! Will flipped within those 45 minutes and was delivered feet first. Once he was out, the anesthesiologist must have given me something because I was knocked out for the remainder of the surgery and they had to wake me up from my super groggy state in recovery to start nursing my baby boy.

Now, Elsie's story is similar but so very different. She too was a spinning crazy breech baby who refused to drop, etc. The nurse practitioner that I had been seeing (I was just going to a clinic, due to a lack of serious moolah) agreed with my past midwife, saying that it just wasn't likely that my babies would fit through my small and sharp little pelvis... also, the hospital and doctor that I was going to be delivering with would not allow a VBAC. Once again, I sacrificed my ideals on behalf of the health of my baby, and myself. Brad and I decided that because our situation was less than ideal (no access to a midwife and/or chiropractor, past experiences with pregnancies/surgeries, etc.), that we would go ahead with a repeat C-section. Once again, many tears and prayers flowed from my person...

The doctor who was to deliver Elsie would not even allow me to go into labor on my own. Not something he was even willing to risk, so they scheduled me a week before my due date. Now, this due date was based off of my early ultrasounds (6 and 18 weeks), not my LMP. I begged with the clinic, tried switching doctors/hospitals, but no one would push back the section. In the end, Elsie was born on March 11th, at a supposed 39 weeks gestation. She came out tiny, and covered in vernix. I knew she was early. And I wish the medical field would place a little more faith in a mother's intuition... thank goodness she was still considered full term, if not on the small side. The pediatric nurse confirmed my suspicions saying she looked like she was 38 weeks, not 39 weeks. Dumb doctor(s) et al.

Anyway, now for the more positive side of her story. My nurse was amazing and apparently was a huge proponent of skin to skin bonding, even for Cesarean mothers. So, she told my anesthesiologist to not give me the knock out drug, basically to keep me awake --of course I still had the spinal, so it's not like I was in any pain. I was just kept awake the ENTIRE time. This time around, my baby came out and I stayed awake while they sewed me up. I got to hear her cry and all the conversations going around, etc. And then, they came and plopped her on my chest! She immediately calmed down and started rooting around. I got to hold her the entire time, even when they transferred me from the operating table to the recovery gurney. And then, she stayed with me for HOURS in the recovery room while we waited for a room. The only bad thing is I got really sick from the drugs and was dry heaving and sweating for a few hours. I only had that a little with William after I woke up... I think the stuff they usually give you to knock you out afterward helps you sleep through the drug aftermath... but still, totally worth it!

And now, two weeks later, my beautiful daughter is packing on the pounds and basking in her family's love-glow! I know that our bodies are living miracles. I know that our bodies have the strength to complete tasks beyond our comprehension. And I know that our bodies interact on various levels with various environments --mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. I may not have delivered my babies ideally, but I have carried each of them for nine months. And I can provide nourishment and comfort via nursing. I can make difficult decisions to get them here safely. And I can love them and support them. I am their mother, and no one can take that away from me. It is my God-given right and I know that motherhood is a divine calling; one that I embrace with open arms and a full heart.

I am so grateful that I have two beautiful, happy and healthy children and that my body has the strength to recover from what it goes through to get them here. *B

happy St. Patrick's day

Make some cookies for me!
With extra cream cheese frosting. Thanks.

little miss Elsie

Miss Elizabeth {Elsie} Rae Summers

born on March 11th at 1:24 pm
6lbs and 18.5 inches long

I'll write our story later (can't spend too much time on the comp nowadays), but in the meantime here is a little montage of our baby girl. Oh, and Elsie is basically the most PERFECT baby. Ever.

She's a cute tiny thing :)

We are all in awe of her sweetness. Especially Will.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes. *B

to my firstborn

We've been together now for 3.5 years.
You're my shadow, my buddy, my everything.

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be."

Love, Mom

ready or not

I can't help but have baby brain nowadays. Especially with the impending arrival of little miss... we're running into scheduling conflicts (aka. stupid doctors), but most likely she'll be here in a little more than a couple of weeks (March 11th)! Am I ready? Yes. Also, no. But she's bound to come sooner or later, so it's just a matter of time ;) I've been having a lot more Braxton Hicks with this pregnancy; something I barely noticed with Will. Basically, any time I get up from sitting or laying down I have one. Lots of fun. Needless to say, I'm pretty lazy these days! But, I am getting in a lot of crocheting (which I have yet to share, tsk-tsk). And I day-dream about other projects that will probably never come to fruition... like burp cloths, onesies, blankets and some cradle bedding (see below). Maybe if I get a HUGE surge of energy in the next week... we'll see :)

Anyway, with only 16 days to go (I KNOW!), I am getting anxious/nervous. I can't wait to see her, and hold her, and kiss her, etc. But, am I ready for two kids? I'm worried about Will. Not that he's not ready or won't be a great big brother. Because he is and he will be. But I'm worried that I won't be there for him like I have been for the past 3.5 years. I mean, he's my little buddy. It's just been me and him for a long time now. And that will change dramatically when baby comes. I'm not ready for the guilt and stress of sharing myself, if that makes sense.

I'm sure the mental and emotional preparation will come, in time. But, in the meantime, I have rounded up a few baby essentials (and dreaming about more). I already have most of what I'll need, since I've been-there-done-that. I'm just missing some clothes. The girly kind (I'm also worried about how I'll handle that... I'm not a big girly-girl)! Oh, I did pick up a steal of a cradle to use for the first few months, since we're a little cramped here already. I'm also rethinking my choice of crib bedding. Not that I don't love the bumper pad I already bought, but I'm really wanting something more soft and shabby cottage (think soft blues, pale yellows with just a touch of pink):

{top to bottom, left to right: crib bedding, crib bedding, and the cradle}

Something that I did get (thanks mom!) and LOVE is my diaper bag! I've been wanting one of these babies for years.. and I've wanted this baby for years, too. Just a few things need to be hammered out and readied, but we're mostly just waiting till she gets here. *B

hi baby

This is baby. Baby is sucking on hand. Baby is 3lbs 12oz, as of last week. Baby is still doing back-flips off of my bladder. Baby is a GIRL!!! We saw it with our own eyes, and there's no doubt about it :) I've studied my fair share of human anatomy... so without getting too technical, just believe me when I say that she is not a he and is indeed a she. With that being said, I'll believe it when I get to hold little miss in my arms next month! *B

splurge, etc.

I bought this (the bumper). On sale. Just in case baby is a girl. It kinda matches Will's bedding, which is good since the kids will be sharing a room in a few months. If baby is a boy, then I'll probably have to sell it... but, it's so cute! Especially with a red gingham crib sheet and a white bedskirt bedecked in red ric-rac! [fingers crossed] Also, here are the latest belly shots!

I'm feeling huge and extremely uncomfortable. In these shots the baby must be on my spine, because I am bigger some days than others... but man alive, are my hips killing me! Even worse is my pelvic floor, which is weird since I'm carrying higher than I did with Will (who gave me grief in my tail bone). So any time I stand, sit, walk, roll over, or move my legs in any way, BAM! I feel like I should be straddling a massive ice pack, or something. Here's to two more whopping months of growth and development and worthwhile discomfort! *B

woulda coulda shoulda

I had the best of intentions. Truly, I did! Today was going to be the day I finally sifted through all my photos from this past year, coupled with a blog update to put all other updates to shame. But then I unloaded my camera and my hormones got the best of me. I'm overwhelmed and exhausted! How much longer can this insanity go on?! I wish I could say it would be over in two months, that once baby arrives I'm all spunk and energy. But you never know... maybe tomorrow. Yeah, that sounds good. And a nap sounds even better! *B

a simple Christmas wish

This year, Christmas will be a very simple one for us. But it is not the simplest Christmas ever. May we all remember the Gift that was given that first Christmas, long ago: our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for Him; for His birth, His life, and His death. Through Him we are blessed with another Gift, the greatest of all the gifts of God: eternal life with our eternal families.

No fancy pictures, cards, or presents for us...
Just a simple wish for a Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
With Love,
The Summers Family

today

Today is the 18th of December, 2008.
Today is a list day.
So, today:

• is like every other day, meaning I'm tired
• it's a clear, sunny, and brisk 47 degrees
• my maybe baby would be 7 months and 1 week old
• I am 27 weeks along, getting bigger and much more uncomfortable
• my fully potty trained son decided the carpet = the toilet
• is the last day of finals (only one semester left)!!!

And finally, but certainly not least, today leaves us with a week until Christmas! I have something fun/festive planned for each of the remaining seven days... today we make a small chain of red, white and green to start the count down :) And tomorrow? Tomorrow is another day. *B

just a glimpse

Ok, so I felt really guilty and bah-humbuggy after that last post. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without putting something somewhat pleasant and festive up! In summary, I'm not always lazy, or raunchy. I do have decorations up, a smile on my face and I've even finished my Christmas shopping! So there. *B

make up your own title

Most anything nowadays sends me into a panic mode. This includes, but is not limited to, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, Ravelry and even Gmail. Or anything related to computers... that, especially, is whacko. My computer is like my second (soon to be third) child! So I am currently in the habit of being lazy and just saying "no" to anything (or anyone, sadly) that requires much of my attention. It's a miracle the house hasn't burned down. Yet.

Sorry, no pictures and no stories about how this is our last year here, how all three of us Summers have celebrated our birthdays, and/or how we have decked our halls for the holidays! Someday I will, and maybe some day soon (tomorrow?!).

But not now, because it makes me panic. *B

tonight at midnight

me + friends + Edward = a good time!

And check out my new blog song :)
Man, I love being a dork. *B

freaking out much

I don't know who Miss Kim thinks she is, but she's obviously crazy! I mean, yeah, I like to make all sorts of stuff, because it's fun. But me?! I don't really fit in with all the other inspirational geniuses she's featured... I just keep shaking my head, feeling sorry for her bout of insanity ;)

If you haven't already checked out Today's Creative Blog, then please do so now. There really is a lot of eye candy over there. I just happen to feel like the brussels sprout of the bunch, HA! And thanks much, Kim. You rocked my socks today! *B

happiness is...

I know the day of thanks is coming up fast (where in the hey did the month go?!), and many have posted their thankfuls. Along those lines, I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me happy. I'm still in love with our not-so-new (anymore) new place and I still find myself smiling at things around my home. We may not live in a house, and who knows when we will! But I'm glad I've been able to make a home for me and my family; a place where we can find peace and comfort in a time where our lives are still full of uncertainties... so, here are just a few things in and around my abode that make me happy:

my family room

especially my couch (thanks Andrea!) AND my newish pillows (thanks mom!)

my happy little tree towels

my sewing machine; she's a CHAMP!
I've got lots of fun things in store for you Miss Kenmore ;)

and most of all, this face!

See, so much to be thankful for! And believe me, I am :)
So, what brings you happiness this fine season? *B

making an effort

In an effort to be a better blogger, I have succumbed to many requests and am now posting some belly shots and prego stats. I have to admit that I'm kinda reluctant to talk much about my pregnancy because I'm worried that I'll jinx it. I remember what it's like to be pregnant one day and not the next. And I also know what it's like to want a baby so bad, but to not be able to... all of these thoughts and concerns are with me still, even though I am currently pregnant. My particular loss and accompanying trials will always be with me. But I am grateful it happened for many reasons, too. I now realize that there is a certain someone in charge and looking out for me: Heavenly Father. And I am grateful for the chance I had to grow closer to Him. Of all people, He knows me best and has prepared me through trials and blessings. What a blessing it is that things have worked out for the better. And what a blessing it is to have my eyes opened and my heart softened to those who have trials of their own. To those who have suffered in the past and those who may currently be suffering: I love you, and God loves you. Your courage, perseverance, and strength cannot be measured in this lifetime, but only in the next. Thank you for your wonderful examples to me and other silent observers. I can only pray that some day may be a happier one, if not in this life, then certainly the next.

With that said, I am now 22 weeks pregnant. Or in other words, I am five months along and more than half-way done! It really is crazy how fast it's gone. I'm worried that I haven't enjoyed or appreciated it as much as I should have, even after all I've gone through. It makes me feel like a spoiled brat... but I really am happy and thankful. Things continue to go well. According to today's weigh in, I've gained a total of 8 pounds and I'm right on schedule. We had an ultrasound a few weeks ago and everything looked great. And before anyone else asks, WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE'RE HAVING. This means that Brad wants to be surprised and I am supporting him. I personally would love to know, because I'm a planner. But I'm at peace with OUR decision and am excited to meet this mystery baby. So please, no comments about how I should be sneaky and find out what we're having :)

Also, we've decided that we're allowed to stare at the ultrasound for as long as we want in an effort to guess if we're having a boy/girl -- not having the tech tell or confirm the sex. And we did just that! We stared and stared and we think we know... William was so very obvious that we knew he was a he before the tech even said a word! With this one, it was more like an empty trough (maybe three lines?). So, according to our hypothesis, we might be having a girl! But we don't know for certain, and we won't know until she/he is born. And before anyone else asks, my next ultrasound is at 32 weeks. And yes, we will be staring and guessing again ;)

Wow, this is turning into a major post... so without further ado, on to the part you've all been waiting for: belly shots! Just so you know, I have officially popped as of two days ago. Here are two pictures, within five days of each other (the one on the left was taken in a tent in Anthro with a cellphone, and the one on the right I blame on our poor bathroom lighting).

It's amazing how you can go from looking thick in the middle to obviously preggers almost overnight. Kind of disturbing, but mostly fascinating. The human body really is amazing. And I thank God for it everyday. *B

because it's important

It's time for me to change things up a bit with this lil' ol' blog o' mine... I want to record more of our lives; of my life. I need, and want, a journal. Time is really passing me by and so is my memory! I need to be better about remembering and recording important dates, people and thoughts. It -the blog- may be more personal (and therefore more boring/interesting, depending on you as a reader), but it will remain public. I have a life that's worth remembering. I am a woman: a daughter, a wife, a mother, and a friend. I'm also creative: a writer, a picture taker (need to be better!), and an overall crafter. And while I have projects/talents to share, I also have thoughts, memories and beliefs that are worth sharing.

This is my life and it's important to me. *B

standing for something

I'm proud of our country and of the freedoms we have as a people. I pray that the decisions that we help influence as a people, and the leader we elect as a people (whoever it may be), will all have the support from us, the people. God be with us all, in the choices we make and in what we the people stand for. *B

to whom it may interest

I'm on Twitter now. I think, subconsciously, it is one of my life's missions to belong to every online community available. With the exception of Myspace. No thanks. Anyway, I find something strangely relaxing and poetic about the writing of short, random sentences. I'll just leave it at that. *B

it's time

We've been potty training for three days now...

Side note: Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the word "potty"???
HATE it. I'd rather say pee/poo. And we do. That is all.

Anyway, we have had some accidents, but nothing too bad. I think that part is unavoidable. I'm just glad we have a washer/dryer in this place! I've also got a sticker chart + candy + new underwear, which will hopefully = success! It's definitely trying my patience, though. Every 30 minutes for a bathroom break really takes its toll... but it needs to be done. After all, it's time. *B

photo by limonada