wannabe farmgirl

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I want to live on a farm.  It's a dream I've had for a while now, and it's something I think about every day.  I want a farm so bad, it makes me cry.  Yup, I've got it bad!  Brad and I frequently talk about our plans for the farm, like it's just a matter of time.  In reality it'll be years until it's even remotely possible...  Especially since we have debts to pay and money to save for the type of property I have in mind.  You see, I want at least five acres.  Ten acres would be ideal, and anything over ten would be icing on the cake.  I need space to breathe here, and the kids need a place to run.  And just what will be on this farm?  Well, let me tell you!

• 2 boarder collies
• 2 barn cats
• 3 pigs
• 12 chickens
• 3 pygmy goats  OR 10 angora goats
• 10 alpacas, maybe
• 1 mini dexter cow, maybe
• beehive(s)
• kitchen/pottager garden
• flower garden
• fruit trees

My dream-dream would be to have my own little fiber shop, with beautiful yarn made from the mohair and/or fleece from our goats and/or alpacas.  And then Elsie and I could run a flower stand at the local farmer's market, and Will could either sell puppies or piglets on the side.

There's a reason why I call myself {B}dreamy!  I'm just a "little" girl with big dreams ;)  And I'm lucky enough to have a husband who shares those dreams.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see where those dreams will take us.  *B

cultivating faith

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To be honest, I've been struggling with my faith lately...  So I was a little nervous when asked to participate in an experiment as part of a Relief Society lesson.  So I want to preface my experience with what someone told me: We all go through cycles.  I used to believe that faith, and testimonies, were concrete.  And maybe for some they are, and maybe for some it can be.  But for me, and others I know, faith is something that comes and goes.  Sometimes it's weak, and sometimes it's strong.  And that is ok.  That is when our free agency comes into play.

Instead of beating ourselves up, concerned that we must be doing something wrong, or that we're somehow evil, we simply choose: We choose every day, and sometimes every moment in every day, to have faith.  To cultivate it.  We choose to believe, because we want to believe.

I chose to read 3 Nephi 17 because of what it teaches: that Jesus knows us and pray for us, a truth (I'm sad to say) that I had forgotten.  I figured it was an appropriate topic for me to study and put to the test.  So after a week of reading, cross-referencing and praying, I felt like I had nothing to share.  I mean, I was nervous to begin with, and now I was starting to panic.  I had nothing to share with the class.  Sure, I could point out some uplifting scriptures, but I couldn't share anything personal because nothing spectacular had happened.  Until late one night/early morning, when something did happen.  My eyes were opened, my heart was softened, and the tears began to fall.  In short, my prayers had been answered.

• vs 2-3: "I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time.  Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again." - this is a perfect description of my entire week.  I chose to continue with my study throughout the week, even when it seemed like nothing was going to happen.
• vs 8:  "For I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you what I have done unto your brethren at Jerusalem, for I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you." -I was envious of those who had stories to tell, stories where their faith/testimonies were strengthened.  I didn't have stories (or none that I could readily recall).  But I had the desire, and I chose to move forward.  My faith was not perfect, but it was sufficient.
• vs 7, 9: I have read these verses many times, and have always appreciated them for what they were: faith in action, where miracles happened.  But then I realized that these illnesses were not just physical in nature, but also spiritual.  How many of us have moments of blindness?  How many times do we find ourselves unable to hear the Spirit?  God is still a God of miracles, and there are certainly cases where those with physical illness(es) are healed.  But there are many more of us who are sick in spirit.  And He can heal us, too.
• I was eventually lead in my reading to D&C 84: 72: " And the poison of a serpent shall not have power to harm them."  -And who is that serpent?  It is none other than Satan, the serpent who plants those thoughts of doubt and despair.  Poison that makes us spiritually sick and in need of God's healing power.
• There were many other things that I learned that night, but I will leave you with one last scripture (D&C 112:13): "And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them."

I do not know what tomorrow will bring, and I do not know where my faith will take me.  It might even leave me again.  But what I have learned is that the Lord is always there, waiting and ready to heal us.  It's simply a matter of choosing to believe.  Because there will be times when our beliefs weaken, and all we can do is choose to believe.  When skepticism tempts us, we cultivate that faith.  And when our faith returns, we ignore that serpent and decline his poison.  We clench that iron rod, whether we're standing still or moving forward.  We choose not to let go.  We choose to hold on.  *B

a rambling confession of sorts

I have a lot of blogs...  I used to blog a lot, but not as of late (obviously).  I don't think a lot of people blog nowadays, unless they're 1.) professional/business bloggers; 2.) mommy bloggers.  I used to be both(?).  I used to be involved in a lot of giveaways, creative teams, features, tags, etc.  And it was exhausting!  And I hated that anytime I talked with someone in real life, they would always ask "So what's your latest project now, Beth?".  I couldn't meet someone new (blogland friend) without them thinking I was something great, and I couldn't meet with someone old (real-life friend) without them thinking I thought I was something great.  The truth is, I'm just me.  I know what sounds good and I know what looks good.  And so I'm afraid I can come across as having it all together, which is absolutely ridiculous!  Just ask my mom/husband ;)

I wasn't purposefully creating a facade, but I started to vicariously live one.  And it grew tiresome, and so I stopped.  Until a year ago I came to an earth-shattering conclusion: I am creative.  But creative and competitive don't need to coexist.  I used to get frustrated with blogging not because I would read blogs and think, "I could never do that" (although there was plenty of that running through my mind); what frustrated me more was knowing that I could do that, and then feeling like I should.  If I wanted to, I could design quilt patterns and fabric lines.  If I wanted to, I could design wedding announcements and Christmas cards.  If I wanted to, I could design whole websites and publish books.  But I don't want to.  Realizing that I could but didn't have to was very liberating for me.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, and I pray this doesn't come across as me sounding egotistical...  Nothing makes me feel worse when people assume the worst!  All I'm saying is that I enjoy writing, crafting, networking and everything in between.  And that's enough for me.

So, I have a lot of blogs.  And this post kinda got away from me, because what I planned on confessing was that my favorite blog is my food blog.  I maintain my stitchy niche blog because I do like sharing things I've accomplished or things I find inspiring, but I love food more.  I find myself taking crappy pictures, scribbling down experimental recipes, and composing informative posts inside my head all day, every day.  It actually takes extreme focus for me to write something here, on this blog.  And I wonder why that is...  Certainly, my family and my life experiences are more interesting!  Or at least they should be.

And so I wonder.  *B

slap happy

My mom came to visit last week, and we had lots of fun :)  Especially Timmy:

I think I stopped blogging in part because I lived next to my mom and we saw each other almost every day.  So there was little point to sharing my thoughts, or children, through the interweb when I could just drive to her house and do so in person!  But now that she's far away, I'm more motivated to document and share our lives.  Some days I find myself (still) homesick, so blogging also helps me to feel connected somewhat to old and/or new friends.  And that, my friends, makes me happy.  *B

in the bleak midwinter

This is what I like to call our backyard.  We live on the bottom floor of a three story apartment complex, so we don't technically have a yard of our own.  But our apartment is backed right up against the green belt, so at least we don't have the concrete jungle to stare at out our windows.  It is frequently overcast here, which isn't too horrible in and of itself...  The rain isn't half bad either; it's more misty than pouring.  As long as the sun makes an appearance every few days, or if I can catch a quick glimpse of the blue sky every now and then, I'm good.  Not so good: our apartment is dark, even with all the lights turned on and all the shades drawn.  It gets a little suffocating at times, and so I tend to daydream about being surrounded by acres and acres of open land.  The sky is oppressive enough, but being surrounded by trees and then living in what's essentially a basement...  It gets a little depressing at times.  And now that Fall has come and gone, all the pretty trees are naked and all that's left is gray and green.  Gray sky and gray bark coupled with green grass, green pines, and green moss.  It's all foreign to me.

Autumn was beautiful, with all the different colored leaves.  But I hear Spring is even better.  I can't wait!  *B

taking care of business

I'm not sure if anyone/everyone knew this, but Brad worked the night shift at Costco for two out of the three years we were in AZ.  Besides Burger King, Costco was the only place to even consider a law-school grad for hire.  Eventually, Brad was able to transfer from part-time in the produce department at the business center warehouse to full-time in the IS contracts and vendor management department at corporate.  It really has turned out to be quite the dream job, and a major answer to our prayers.  Maybe one day I'll get around to telling the entire story, because it really is a good one...  But for now, here's a quick pic of (half) the fam meeting dad for lunch at work.  And truth be told, we'll probably stay with Costco for forever.  It's a good company who rewards loyalty with loyalty.  And seriously, who doesn't love Costco?!  *B

still alive, and kicking

It's bullet time:

• Brad got a job!!!  And so we moved.
• WA is very different from AZ (obviously).  For the most part, I'm loving the changing seasons.  But sometimes, I hate it...
• Three kids is hard.  Two wasn't too bad, and at the time I wondered what everyone else was complaining about.  But three?  Three is rough.
• Currently planning on homeschooling.  I might be crazy.
• My milk is gone.  It always starts disappearing around six months and it's a struggle to maintain.  We were down to one nursing session a night, and then I got sick.  So my milk left me, which means I have my body back to myself.  I have mixed feelings.
• I am so tired of condo/apartment living.  Steadily dreaming of having a home/farm of my own.
• Got a minivan right before we moved.  The husband got into a car accident shortly after we moved.  He's fine, the car was not.  So...  We got a "new" car!  Not a minivan.
• All this cold weather has me on house arrest.  Good thing I'm such a homebody!
• All this cold weather makes me want to craft.  So I've been crocheting up a storm.  We actually get to use hats, scarves, and blankets here.  Huzzah!  So lots of warm and yummy yarn-work   And then my wrists started bothering me, so I've switched to cross-stitching until further notice.
• I am officially hooked on Doctor Who and have embraced my inner nerd with open arms.  Allons-y!
• Am I the ONLY person who finds chevron prints and the color gray totally overrated???  I prefer Cath Kidston, and color.  Neutral is for the birds!
• I would really like to get back to blogging.  I really wish I had a better camera, because posting without pictures is super lame.
• Currently growing my hair out.  I might be crazy.

Cheers!  *B

3 months, and then some

He gets the hiccups when he laughs :)

Time flies when you're having fun!  *B

welcome, welcome

Timothy John Summers

born 4/5/12 @ 6:15 am - 7lb 6oz, 21in

countdown

Baby boy Summers will soon enter the world :)  Oh, sorry.  Did I not tell you that we were having a boy?  Oh, right.  I've been MIA for the past... five months!  Oh well.

So, baby boy Summers will be here in approximately four hours.  I was able to get in a few hours of sleep before it dawned on me that I really had nothing to wear to the hospital.  At least, nothing comfy.  Which is of vital importance, obviously.  And so I have a load of appropriate clothing in the wash, and here I sit, updating my blog with my dear, supportive husband sitting by my side.  And we're watching Warehouse 13.  Because nothing says, "Welcome to the family!" like a dose of cheesy Sci-Fi ;)

Some thoughts:

• We'll be a family of five (real) soon!  I came from a family of five...  If we have any more kids I will have outgrown my childhood family.
• We might have one more.  How can I say this at 40 weeks pregnant???  I have no idea, other than the decision isn't really up to me.  But, I'll get back to you in 18 months or so.
• A due date explanation might be in order...  Remember back when, when I had an ectopic pregnancy after Will and before Elsie?  Well, I was due May 11th.  Miss Elsie was born on the eleventh of March.  Fast forward a few years, and I had a miscarriage.  I was due December 5th.  Got pregnant again, due the fifth of April.  Talked my doctor into letting me go to my actual due date, instead of scheduling a repeat C-sec a week early like normal.  I've never been so pregnant in my life, and I don't know if I'll be so "lucky" next time.  I may not be able to have the birth I want, but at least I can have the pregnancy I want :)
• Went to the temple the day before my due date.  One lady about fell over when she found out I was so prego, and another lady literally held and kissed my belly for a good 10 minutes.  Good/strange times makes for good/fun memories!
• First pregnancy I've ever felt Braxton Hicks.  First pregnancy where I had contractions every eight minutes for an hour...  If I weren't so worried about my pelvic angles, I'd think I could birth this boy!
• Second pregnancy where I've worried about the change in family dynamics.  I was so worried about adding Elsie to our family, and how it would effect my relationship with my William.  But there's nothing like the joy of watching your child enjoy the blessings of sibling-hood!  Will has been the BEST big brother, and Elsie has been a joy.  So, I know that adding another sweet spirit is a happy thing.  A good thing.  But I fear change, and I'm having the same hang-ups I did three years ago...  Our family is changing again, and it's for the better.
• Our family might be growing, but our living (and driving) arrangements aren't!  It was time to get creative.  We'll have three kids in one room.  And I am totally ok with it.  Actually, I'm thrilled with it!  The way I see it, if four of us made it through living in a one bed/bath, then five of us can make a two bed/bath quite comfortable.  Thank goodness for bunk beds and mini cribs ;)

Laundry's done!  And so am I.  *B

a tale to tell, sans raven

Introducing: the toothless vampire, an angry townsman, and the witch with her little black cat :)

The story of our costumes follows thusly: Will did NOT want to be a carrot, or anything that other people would laugh at...  Without any prodding from his mother, he decided on being a vampire this Halloween.  I gladly accepted such a classic request, and then planned the rest of our costumes accordingly.  A day before Halloween, Will lost his top tooth.  On the night of Halloween, he lost the other one.  True story, with blood and all!  A Happy Halloween indeed.  *B

FINALLY

Yup, it really is true!  This guy of mine has passed the AZ Bar :)  Please, don't ask us what our plans are...  We're too busy celebrating this great culmination of the past five years to worry about the next five!  Yup, I'm mostly joking.  But seriously, don't ask.  Because we don't really know.  We're (still) just happy we've made it this far!  *B

bump

14 weeks :)

Yes, we are absolutely thrilled!  Also, apprehensive.
But mostly, we're just thankful.  *B

an ode to order

Turns out another month has gone flown by.  Crazzzy!  So, I hardly know what to write nowadays...  It's like I've got serious writer's block.  Or else, my kids have destroyed my brain.  Both are entirely possible.  But, things are good :)  I've had homesteading on my mind lately.  A lot.  No, we haven't up and left our little condo for a huge plantation.  We're still here, and I'm still making my house my home.  It will never matter where we live, or what house we're in, because I'll make it mine just the same.  It's what I do.

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So, I'm really into this homestead revival.  Yes, we really did have real live chicks in our house.  We now have an adolescent hen, who lives at my cousin's with her hens.  And hopefully one day we will have a few eggs from our then grown-up hen!  I may not have a farm, or a backyard, but I can still do my part to be more self sufficient.  Oh, how I dream of the day when we own a handful of chickens, a cow, a couple of pigs, and a few goats.  Bliss.  And don't even get me started on my dream garden!  Double bliss.  One day!  But for now, I do what I can.  Like pawn off fowl to my cousin, and mooch mulch from friends to start a small container garden on our back patio.  It's not a lot, but it's a start.

I've recently had the strong impression to "get my house in order" and to prepare.  Don't ask me what I'm preparing for, or when I'll need to be prepared, but I feel like I should be "anxiously engaged" and do what I can.  Yes, I am literally getting my house in order.  Every night I do a load of laundry, and every day I clean a designated zone.  But, it's more than that.  We're watching less TV, and we're playing less video games.  We're reading more scriptures, and we're listening to more hymns.  And I've finally started to think/plan about food storage, and emergency preparedness.  Whether or not something will happen, I feel that all of this preparing is mostly for my own good.

My life is in order, and my life is good.  *B

firstborn in the firstgrade

Let's pretend I'm not in the picture... or at least pretend that I look hot.  Where did my kids get all their good looks from???  They're so dang cute!  And big.  *B

partyin' fun fun, yeah

 

Can you believe school starts tomorrow?  Which means we survived the Summer!!!  A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I headed out to WA for some good ol' R&R with the Summers' clan, while Brad stayed behind and studied/took the Bar (no worries, he joined us for the family reunion after it was over).  We all had a blast!  It was nice to escape from the heat, and the kids were outdoor junkies.  Seriously, I barely saw them.  Will tagged alongside his cousins the entire time, doing who knows what... While Elsie got into just about everything (including dirt, fertilizer, baking soda, dog food and mud puddles).  There were animals to hug, fish to fish, weeds to pull, rivers to float, mountains to hike, wood to burn and rocks to climb.  And let's not forget the trampoline, zip line, pedal carts, tractor and water slide.  Those kids wore themselves silly!  As for the adults, we rafted, we hiked, we karaoked, we played games and we chatted.  I helped sew up some pillows and a window treatment, and was also able to squeeze in lots of water aerobics.  I even found an awesome yoga studio.  I have now "mastered" the crow pose!  Other fun included blind makeup artists, cardboard cars at the "drive" in, and a talent show-off.  And we all got super sick...  But we're better now, and we're home safe and sound.  And sweaty ;)

Bring on the Fall!  *B

public service announcement II

Just thought you should know that I am NOT pregnant.  I've gotten a few erroneous congratulatory emails...  they're mostly funny, and leave me wanting to both cry and do more sit-ups!  It's been a while (seven months), but still not nearly as long as some.  Who am I to complain?  I have so much to be grateful for!  And I am grateful.  But, my heart is ready for more.  My tummy begs for internal tickling and my arms ache for external wiggling.  It's all I can think about.  And still I wait.  *B

picture planning

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this...

I'll try my best to show you the actual wall once the photos are edited, printed and hung!  *B

my lil' elder

 

My baby brother has been out serving the Lord for a few months now.  I kinda really miss him.  Sometimes I forget he's gone, until I think about calling/texting him something totally random/hilarious.  You see, he's my buddy.  But over these past few months, it's become apparent that he's so much more.  He is one amazing missionary, a faithful servant.  So many times I read his weekly emails in awe.  Where did my little brother go?  Who is this... man?

Most Sunday nights it's a rush to hurry and write something before I hop in bed.  Because if I don't, he ruthlessly chastises me the next day for forgetting him.  But every Monday, I'm blessed with yet another jewel and am once again surprised at his... wisdom.  And so many times while reading his letters, I get this feeling like everyone should have the privilege of reading his words.  So I'm going to stop being the selfish sister, and I'm going to share my brother with you.  Because we're all children of the same Father, and everyone needs a little brotherly correspondence ;)

Dear awesome family and pretty cool friends,

Another week has come and gone. Wow. How often do I say that?? [...]

Friday we helped a member move into her home over from England. It took a couple hours, but we finally got everything unloaded. Afterwards, the movers tried to give the three of us a 50 dollar bill in payment for doing their work. We turned it down and you could just see the confusement on their face. After all, how many teenage boys would turn that down? It goes to show that the world isn't the same as it use to be. Many people still provide service of course, but you see more and more of people expecting payment for their services now. I'm glad that I have these two years to serve anyone around me.

This goes on to something I was thinking about recently. King Benjamin spoke about how we are unprofitable servants.

Mosiah 2:21,23-24"...I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants...And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him...And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?"

Some people think about going on a mission to repay the Lord, but in return, we just get more blessings. It is a great blessing to be in the service of our Lord, and no matter how much we do for Him, He always gives us more in return. We don't really have reason to boast because all we have has been given to us from Heavenly Father. We can't make up for everything, but we can do our best and thank Him for everything else.

We had a fireside last night that was for the youth in one of the wards. Unknowingly, we were called to go up and share what we did to prepare for our mission. I thought of two things. 1) Preparing to do things on my own. Like cooking (not just ramen and macaroni, but real food), cleaning and doing laundry. Being away from home for a few months before my mission really helped a lot. 2) Immersing myself in the scriptures and making the Book of Mormon a part of my everyday life. The Book of Mormon was the biggest thing that helped me. Even though I do not understand everything in the church, because of my testimony of the Book of Mormon, everything else falls in line. By reading it everyday, we can all be uplifted and guided.

One last thought before I have to go. This one comes from Elder Dallin H. Oaks

"[A person may have] a strong desire to be led by the spirit of the Lord but..unwisely extends that desire to the point of wanting to be led in all things. A desire to be led by the Lord is a strength, but it needs to be accompanied by an understanding that our Heavenly Father leaves many decisions for our personal choices. Personal decision making is one of the sources of the growth we are meant to experience in mortality. Persons who try to shift all decision making to the Lord and plead for revelation in every choice will soon find circumstances in which they pray for guidance and don't receive it.

"We should study things out in our minds, using the reasoning powers our Creator has placed within us. Then we should pray for guidance and act upon it if we receive it. If we do not receive guidance, we should act upon our best judgment. Persons who persist in seeking revelatory guidance on subjects on which the Lord has not chosen to direct us may concoct an answer out of their own fantasy or bias..."

D&C 6:23  "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"

The Lord gave us common sense for a reason--we are to use it. The Spirit is there to help guide us in making decisions and will not allow us to continue in the wrong decisions without making it known unto us. It is up to us to listen to those promptings and act upon them. I know this church is true and that the Spirit with the Book of Mormon are the key to being converted to the gospel. It is the path to Eternal Happiness. The way back to our Father in Heaven. I love you all and hope you have an amazing week!!

Love,
Elder Borgia

random

On my mind lately:

• I like to end my day in a house whose floors are picked up and whose dishes are done.  I realize it will not, and does not, stay in this "clean" state throughout the day.  But, I'm ok with that.  As long as it's "clean" when I go to bed, I'm good.
• If/when we have another kid, I hope it's a girl.  Mostly because I want her to share a room with Elsie.  And because the family of Dick & Jane fame had an older brother with two younger sisters :)
• It doesn't matter how short/long you've been trying for a baby.  If no baby comes, it hurts the same.
• Husband is taking the Bar.  Again.  I am a single mother.  Again.
• I'm getting the itch to move.  Mostly because we're used to moving every couple of years...
• I'm getting ready to take the GRE.  Yikes.
• It has been two years since we (yes, we) graduated from law school.  In another year, we will have been career-less for as long as we were in law school.
• I have no idea how we make ends meet, but we do.  Thank God.
• I love my son dearly.  But sometimes he reminds me of a little brother, and therefore drives me crazy!
• I wish I was a cowgirl.
• I sorta love Arizona now.  Weird.
• I want to drown in fabric.  I want to have my bed sheets over my head, wear nothing but huge clothes and do nothing but sew quilts.
• I really want a nice camera.  I think I'm the only one with a standard point-and-shoot.
• Apparently I could get away with calling myself a nutritionist, at least in the state of AZ.  But, I've decided to call myself a lifestyle coach.
• I feel broken, and punished.  I know I'm not, but that's how I feel.  Maybe if I didn't yell so much...
• I wish I smiled/laughed more.

And I'm sure there's more where that came from!  *B