for posterity's sake

October has come and gone. Sadness. It's always been my favorite month; the start of my favorite season and the mother of my favorite holiday. Now, I'm afraid, it will always be tinged with a feeling of sadness. So much has happened since the 9th of October... just four and a half weeks ago. I know I've talked about this before. And I really don't want to be a bummer blogger. But just bear with me as I work out this time-line (for posterity's sake). I do have a few pictures to share though! It was, after all, an eventful month...

Monday, October 1st:
-get back from a quick trip to Mesa
-finally relax, accept the fact that I am indeed pregnant and all is well. Get excited and start planning.
Tuesday, October 2nd:
-bleeding starts along with the worrying, and tears.
Tuesday, October 9th:
-went to first scheduled Dr. Appointment regarding Maybe baby
-ended up in the Emergency Room for a supposed D&C procedure. Waiting ensued.
-Will stays with the amazing Schooleys
Wednesday, October 10th:
-finally admitted in the wee morning hours
-many ultrasounds and private proddings later, we have an ectopic pregnancy in the works
-get to go home after a long day in the hell-hole and grab a bite to eat (finally!!!); pick up Will (finally!) and briefly visit with visiting family
Thursday, October 11th:
-go with dad to the appointment. Blood drawn. Waiting ensued.
-decide to opt for surgery; admitted late at night
Friday, October 12th:
-surgery went well in that the tube was saved. Not so well in that the embryo needed yet another incision (thank you C-section **heavy sarcastic eye-roll**)
-mmm, the joys of a liquid diet (at the misguided hands of the attending hospital nutrition staff... grr)
-Will and the rest of the family goes to Disneyland. They enjoy the Haunted Mansion turned into The Nightmare Before Christmas ride without me. I am there in spirit?
Saturday, the 13th:
-more complications, oh joy! Navel incision basically bursts.
-The Result: yay, more staples and another day in the hospital!
Sunday, the 14th:
-visiting family leaves while I return home (finally!)
Monday through Tuesday (15-16):
-Mrs. Saint McLean watches over me and monk. Bless her.
-the wonderful in-laws come to visit and take Will home with them
Wednesday through Saturday (17-20):
-a long and lonely week, spent healing
Sunday, October 21st:
-fires erupt in Malibu Canyon, aka. our canyon. Watch TV in place of going to church (not like we could get there even if we tried... roads were already being blocked.)
-we're issued a mandatory evacuation; pack up laptop, computer, photo boxes, and VitaMix (yes, I did). Oh, and our land lady's dog (of course she's gone for the month).
-temporarily crash at the lovely Domans; watch TV and use the phone a lot.

photo of Pepperdine in flames, courtesy of Perry's Place

Monday, October 22nd:
-Yay, it's back to the hospital for me! Fake enthusiasm is cut short: the navel staples didn't work.
-The Result: a hole in my stomach (and a near fainting husband), about the size of a lumpy marble.
-crying ensues (and of course there were lots of babies at the hospital that day). Leave pitiful message on my mom's answering machine.
-contemplate the joys of packing my open wound, while walking around the mall. Leave empty handed (so much for retail therapy), and extremely sore.
Tuesday, October 23rd:
-fly out to AZ to be mothered by my mother. I've had enough.
-Brad swings by the apartment and lo and behold, can return! Our house, and neighborhood for that matter, is safe. Many grateful prayers are offered.
October 24th through October 30th:
-get babied and pampered by my awesome MOM (an upside down WOW)! Try to make the most of MY month with festive purchases and activities, such as: pedicure (orange toes, naturally), hair cut, crazy charm bracelet (complete with eyeballs), and costumes for the upcoming holiday.
-also extremely blessed by wonderful friends and neighbors who selflessly gave up their hair products, clothes, etc. (since I left straight from being evacuated and brought basically nothing with me but my pillow).
-Will joins us in our revelry after his stay in WA. I'm very glad, and overwhelmed, at having him with me. All is right, for a moment.
October 31st:
-It's HALLOWEEN! Mom makes a killer banana costume for me (towels and potholders), while Will makes a dang cute monkey! See for yourself:

-Will gets his fill of candy (give me a break... the worst month ever + my favorite holiday = candy for kid).

And now it's November! Obviously, I have returned. And I have yet to go back to the hospital because I have yet to hear from them (after three messages!!!). But never fear, I am healing and feeling better (physically). It's amazing how much of a difference it makes when you can actually see yourself healing. And what was once a hole so large it took six inches of sterile guaze strips to pack it full, is now nothing more than half an eraser from a pencil (with only a centimeter of packing junk). Although, my stomach is awfully tired of all the tape action... what's more, the swelling has gone down lots. That's good too. It also helps not looking pregnant when you are no longer pregnant, wouldn't you say?

In all honesty, as Negative Nellie as I may sound, I am doing well. Physically. And emotionally. I still have my moments, though. And I'm not going to lie. It's been a bit hard with all these babies being born in the ward and all these friends getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than happy for these expecting friends. They are more than deserving, they've been through a lot (more than me). It's just tough when it seems like everyone's due date is around Maybe's date. It will forever be a loss for me.

But really, I am happy for everyone and would never wish to deny anyone the blessings of having their own babies come April or May. And I've had enough going on with the fires and then the ongoing complications to keep myself busy from throwing a pity party. And most of all, I've had you to get me through it all. My family. My friends. And if anything, this has made me more grateful and appreciative of Will. My baby, now and forever... the monkey that he is. *B


  1. That's a good post to have around. Definitely think y'all are the cutest monkey/banana pair I've ever seen! You'll continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Love you.

  2. Beth the Babealicious Banana... that's how I think of you now. Thanks for sharing your story. I bet you feel a teeny bit better now too. Self therapy through blogging :) love ya.

  3. It's easy to be an "awesome mom" if you have an awesome daughter! I'm sorry for the reason for our extended visits, but not that we were together. I always learn so much from you. I love how you express yourself, and I LOVE being around the little monkey!

  4. What a month you have had, Beth. Will makes an adorable monkey and from what I can see, your costume was awesome. I can also partially see your new haircut and it looks really cute.

  5. Beth, it is so good to hear from you, to hear about your journey, your lessons, your pains, your triumphs. My heart aches for you and your loss, I have thought about it a great deal and it hurts inside however, I have to say that I am so impressed with your strength and perseverance. You are an amazing mom, wife, friend, and example. Thank you again for all that you have endured and all that you have shared. If you ever need to get away again I would love to have you in Vegas and I know Cade would be so excited to have a little friend to play with too!

  6. You are so amazing and so strong Beth! I'm glad you're healing more and more each day!! I love the costumes and cute pictures. I wish I lived closer... we'd have fun. :) Love ya!

  7. love the costumes! great job MOM!

  8. I think you did right in writing it all down, sometimes that in itself is healing. You will continue to be in my thoughts.

  9. Beth, you always come up with great ideas. Spending the end of October with you was great. I wish I could come visit you for another week and have a blast with the three of you again.

  10. Can I preemptively strike and say "Happy Birthday" before everyone else? It is the 14th in Japan!

  11. You've had quite the couple of months! I love how you write and I hope that things keep getting better as the days go on!


You're currently in the process of making my day. So thanks for that! *B