2.13.2011

poor me (a pity post)

We are struggling.  Big time.  And I'm tired exhausted.  And very frustrated.  In short, we are the poorest people I know.  Oh, I know there are those who are much poorer.  But, I don't know them personally...  I honestly don't know anyone poorer than us.  And it's hard.  Real hard.  I don't want to be rich.  I just want to stop worrying about tomorrow.  I want to be able to pay our bills (on time), and put food on our table.  And while I'm whining, let me just say that it's not fair that other people have real jobs/careers and get to live in real houses.  Or that only the successful breed success.  Why is it that behind every successful business woman there's a successful business man?  When is it our turn to be successful, at anything?

Then I start to feel super guilty.  Because we really are so blessed.  We're not living on the streets.  And thanks to our parents and/or the government, we have food on our table and clothes on our back.  But it's still not enough...  It never is.  And I am so very tired of asking.  Of wanting.  It gets worse: I start to wonder if God really answers our prayers, or if He ever will.  I know He hears us.  And I know He answers other people's prayers.  But lately I wonder why I even bother.  Because it's not getting better.  It's getting worse.  And so I'm tired.  I'm tired of the struggling.  And I'm tired of being selfish.  But I can't help but feel bitter.  I just wish it would stop.  Or at the very least, I wish I knew that it will stop.


If the only thing I can change is my attitude, then so be it.  It'll have to do.  *B

13 comments:

  1. so what's it gonna take to change your attitude?

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  2. So sorry things are so hard. Wishing you the best! Love ya!

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  3. You are such a strong girl! Hang in there.

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  4. You have approximately 14,779 people who love you, Beth Summers, A LOT. And if the rest of the world knew you personally, they'd love you too.

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  5. This time will make it all the sweeter when success comes!

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  6. Been there. Kinda still there, actually...
    sadly, we make JUST enough money that the govt doesn't pay for anything... and after paying for our own health insurance, we make less than we did when we DID qualify for Medicaid...

    Sell those hats, girlfriend! And WHY am I not seeing ads on the stitchy niche? At least do googleads. They're free to put up, and if all those 14,779 people did just ONE click each, you'd be banking it!

    (I'm averaging 56 cents PER CLICK on madebymarzipan!)

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  7. I feel your pain. I have lived that way most of my life and I am WAY up there in age now. Sometimes you just have to give in to a little pity party. Then you pick yourself back up and forge ahead. You can do it. No one wants to just get by but sometimes you have to be grateful that you are. Keep paying that tithing!

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  8. i'm so sorry life feels so hard right now. you're so strong beth and i know you can do hard things. hang in there! i'm thinking of you lots and lots.

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  9. I hate being poor!
    Last fall we were down to $300 to our name. So serious. Talk about STRESS! So I have been there (still kinda am) Hang in there.
    And I think playing with puppies might brighten your day, so you may just have to come over to play :)

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  10. Found your blog(s)through naptime....and I can totally relate to this post! 9 months of unemployment - some days a pity party is needed just to get you through the tough times. Then we must pick ourselves back up and face a new day. I've learned God is listening - and answering - even when it seems all we hear back is silence. May you find small blessings in the midst of hard days.

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  11. One of my favorite coping strategies was suggested by Morrie in "Tuesdays with Morrie". When asked how he stays optimistic while slowly dying he explained that he lets himself feel whatever comes up for 1 minute...really feel it. He said he would sit at just soak in pity for 1 minute and then force himself to move on. I have yet to perfect the art of the 1 minute limit, but there is something about soaking in our reality for a moment that keeps up alive and hopeful! Hang in there!

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  12. We are in the same boat too. So you do know someone as poor or poorer. And it sounds like there are others from your comments. At least you have a place to call your own. I feel the same way and it is very hard and very stressful. Things will get better.

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  13. Nothing profound to say. Just, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. And I truly hope things get better for you soon.

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You're currently in the process of making my day. So thanks for that! *B