poor me (a pity post)

We are struggling.  Big time.  And I'm tired exhausted.  And very frustrated.  In short, we are the poorest people I know.  Oh, I know there are those who are much poorer.  But, I don't know them personally...  I honestly don't know anyone poorer than us.  And it's hard.  Real hard.  I don't want to be rich.  I just want to stop worrying about tomorrow.  I want to be able to pay our bills (on time), and put food on our table.  And while I'm whining, let me just say that it's not fair that other people have real jobs/careers and get to live in real houses.  Or that only the successful breed success.  Why is it that behind every successful business woman there's a successful business man?  When is it our turn to be successful, at anything?

Then I start to feel super guilty.  Because we really are so blessed.  We're not living on the streets.  And thanks to our parents and/or the government, we have food on our table and clothes on our back.  But it's still not enough...  It never is.  And I am so very tired of asking.  Of wanting.  It gets worse: I start to wonder if God really answers our prayers, or if He ever will.  I know He hears us.  And I know He answers other people's prayers.  But lately I wonder why I even bother.  Because it's not getting better.  It's getting worse.  And so I'm tired.  I'm tired of the struggling.  And I'm tired of being selfish.  But I can't help but feel bitter.  I just wish it would stop.  Or at the very least, I wish I knew that it will stop.

If the only thing I can change is my attitude, then so be it.  It'll have to do.  *B